Sorry I haven't posted in so long. I have had a series of pretty awful events happen in my life since my last post and after all the wonderful adventures I'd been writing about, I didn't want to write about the bad stuff. I kept wanting something good to happen to write about, but I have had no such luck lately. I guess it's time for an update anyway.
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| One of the many pictures I took in the Redwoods |
First things first, I did go for that hike in the Redwoods (and a few others) the day after I last wrote. I spent the whole day by myself in the woods exploring the land and it was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had in my life. I wish I could go back and relive that day. Everything was so peaceful and beautiful. Those trees are absolutely breathtaking. The sheer magnitude of them is awe inspiring. I am so glad I took my time to enjoy and appreciate them. I continued on to the Bay Area that night where I stayed with a friend from the RIT crew team. The next day she had to work, so I adventured on my own again. I went to the Jelly Belly Factory and then decided I wanted to go skating so I'd be prepared to get back into derby in Riverside (little did I know what I was really getting myself into). I spent more time with my friend and wandered around San Francisco for a bit the next couple days. I then proceeded to drive to Berkeley to meet up with Tasha and her boyfriend because Tasha just happened to be moving to northern California when I was passing through the area. I had so much fun hanging out with them! I miss them terribly now. I was going to stay there until Monday, Sept 13, but I started getting anxious about taking care of things on campus that week since I had orientation that Friday and wasn't even signed up for classes. So, I left on Sunday. I wish I could go back in time and change my mind about that because life as I knew it was about to change for the worse the next day...
I got to Riverside Sunday night. Monday I did a lot of unpacking, chores, errands, etc and decided to go check out roller derby practice that night. I just wanted to check out the team and tell them I existed and was interested in joining. The woman I spoke to said "you wanna skate?" and I said sure! I didn't know anyone and I was so nervous, but excited to be back in the rink. I did pretty well I think for not having skated in so long. I was pushing myself pretty hard because I felt like everyone was judging the new girl. About 15 minutes before the end of practice, we were doing a hitting drill. I lost my balance, landed terribly and snapped my ankle in half. I spent the rest of the night in the hospital with a girl from the team I didn't even know. The derby girls and my new roommates took care of me that week, and I am eternally grateful to them. My parents flew out the next week for my surgery. I had broken my tibia, fibula, and various ligaments. They had to put a plate and 8 screws in my ankle. I have been on crutches for almost 7 weeks. I was in a lot of pain and on vicodin for about the first 6 weeks of that (and vicodin is some nasty stuff). The cast is unbearably uncomfortable a lot of the time. I have slowly watched all the muscle mass in my left leg deteriorate (which I worked so hard to get during crew season). I can barely do anything on my own. I have had a serious lack of concentration and little to no motivation to do my school work (mostly because of the drugs). I have barely been able to make friends here, because I can't do anything fun with them. I could go on like this, but I think you get the idea. And I still have at least 4 more weeks on crutches :-(
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| Before and after surgery |
In the midst of all that, Hans and I broke up, the insurance companies can't seem to do anything right, I have become the victim of credit card fraud, and (the cherry on top) when I finally started driving myself places this week, I get t-boned by some girl on my way home from campus. When is this stuff going to stop happening to me? Plus, I'm missing my favorite holiday this weekend! I don't think I've ever not celebrated Halloween. I got invited to a party at one of the derby girls houses, but she lives up several flights of stairs, so there's no way that's going to happen. I just can not catch a break.
Ironically, the only good thing I seem to have in my life right now is also the reason I'm so miserable: roller derby. The team has been so good to me and going to their events is basically the only fun I've had since I got hurt. Call me crazy, but I can't wait to heal and get back out there in the rink with them.
I hate that everyone I know here only knows broken me. They've only really seen sad, drugged up, non-motivated me and that is so not me normally. I just can't wait until I come back from winter break and can walk and be my normal self and start my real life here. It's so hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel sometimes, but it's got to be there somewhere, right?
Hey Rachel, its Mike Phillips (former RIT pep band conductor).
ReplyDeleteI've been getting into blogging lately, too, so I like to check it out when a friend has a blog.
I totally know what you mean regarding the mental and emotional challenges associated with a major injury recovery. I got hurt back on July 11th, and I am still recovering. I had three fractures and much crushed tissue in my left ankle & foot from a forklift accident (long story).
I guess my point is that I started to give up hope that I would get better, too. My left leg was pretty much the diameter of my ankle all the way up to my hip, drugs left me in a haze, and motivation for anything went out the window.
But, I wanted to tell you, from someone who is just a little farther along the healing process, the first time you put weight on that leg after weeks of not walking is just awesome. I even got choked-up, since I had a longer wait than even you will (That & I'm a sap). The muscle comes back three times as fast as it took to build it originally: muscle atrophy from injury is different than not having muscle to begin with. Physical therapy will make you stronger than you were before the injury.
I know this was long, but I didn't want to give you an empty "hang in there" or "it'll get better." I wanted to give you evidence from my experience that you will be normal again. Look for the little victories: the first seconds spent standing, the first step, the first knee bend, every centimeter of leg circumference you gain back. Celebrate them, and then set your sights higher.
You are NOT a cripple. You WILL beat this.
If you need anything, let me know.
--Mike P.